Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm too high and old for this...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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