I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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