Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize