Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
