Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
