If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
