first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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