True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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