Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
