Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just found a bag of teeth...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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