All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
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the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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