I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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