I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
