moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
