she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
