Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
