i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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