Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She bit a glass in half.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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