Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
