i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
