So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
