My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
