DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
