Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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