She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize