overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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