I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
