he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
