Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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