whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
