You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
