Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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