Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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