were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
