Me too!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
