Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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