apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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