Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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