Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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