ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
