In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
