We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize