I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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