If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
