Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
