remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
