nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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