i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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