god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
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Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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