My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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