Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
