awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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