Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
