all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
