The maid of honor just puked.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
