At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
