Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
