Slut skills are useful in every country.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
