Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
