The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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