I CAN MOONWALK!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
