I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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