i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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