Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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