We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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