the condom got lost in my hair
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
