I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
