I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
