went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
