I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
