no you cant smoke seaweed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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