Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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