And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
