i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
