Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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