2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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